


bitter and then sweet

by darwinsdonut



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders era, angst & fluff, fluff ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15495783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darwinsdonut/pseuds/darwinsdonut
Summary: "What you're feeling right now is regret."Sirius is an idiot; for some reason, Remus still cares.





	bitter and then sweet

"What you're feeling right now is regret." 

Sirius sat with his head in his hands and the words offered no comfort. He _knew_ it was regret. What did James think he was, a complete dolt? ...Well. Given tonight, that would be entirely reasonable. 

"You shouldn't have pushed him, Sir." James sat down at the end of Sirius' bunk. "He would've come out on his own if you'd just-" 

_"I know that, James!"_ He sighed. "I know that." He lowered one hand from his face, pointing it toward his best friend. "I screwed up majorly. I'm well aware of it. I'm a piss-poor excuse for a friend and a right sorry arsehole. If you could _just_ not tell me the obvious right now, I'd appreciate it." 

James paused, and then patted Sirius's leg. "Sorry. I'll give you some space." 

James moved to his bunk, and Sirius sat back with a quiet groan. Because causing Remus to blow up wasn't enough, now he'd gone and snapped at James, too. He needed some air. Remus was probably in the Room of Requirement right now; Sirius would take the Astronomy Tower. 

He headed out of the dorm, crossed the common room, stepped out through the portrait hole. The quiet corridors of Hogwarts greeted him like an old friend, the darkness blanketing them in silence as Sirius passed through him. Normally, Sirius had at least a little trouble navigating the halls without being caught- but tonight, mercifully, nothing appeared to prevent his much-needed escapade. 

The Astronomy Tower spiraled above him and Sirius started up the steps. The night replayed in his mind, teasing Remus by the fire, telling him it was alright if he was _like that,_ that they would forgive him. If he hadn't been such a git about it, if he hadn't kept pushing and insisting, Remus might not have just exploded that, yes, he was gay, and, no, it wasn't anyone else's damn business. And Remus cursing was a rare instance, and the look he gave Sirius had been pure rage, and then Remus had left. Sirius had sat in the resounding silence that followed the leave, and wished only that he'd come back- that he'd see those dark blue eyes again- 

And then there they were. 

Sirius topped the stairs and froze. 

By the balcony to the astronomy tower, Remus leaned on the railing, having evidently turned his head at Sirius' approach. 

"Looking for me, were you?" Remus said. "Wish you wouldn't have." Remus sighed and removed himself from the railing, already starting toward the stairs. "I'm not going back to the common room; you can forget that." 

"Remus- please-" 

Remus paused. Sirius hadn't called him by his first name in years, not since the nickname Moony had first been born. Remus's dark blue eyes, shadowed with sleep-deprivation and tense with the strenuous night, locked with Sirius's desperate gaze. 

"Don't go," Sirius said, and he was pushing it again, but he needed this. "Please. Let's just talk it out." 

"Padfoot-" 

_"Sirius."_

Something flashed in Remus' eyes, and he faced Sirius with crossed arms, the two not a meter apart, at the top of the stairs. "Give me one good reason." 

"I'm gay, too." 

Remus' eyes widened but he made no other external reaction. Sirius stared at him, pleading gray eyes begging he stay. Sirius dared a fraction of a step closer. "I'm bi, technically, but- I'm sorry, I'll shut up." 

Remus stared a moment longer, and then sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Come on." 

He went back to the railing, but sat down on the floor with his back against it. Sirius moved over and sat next to him, not too close, cross-legged just a little apart from the wall. 

"So you did all that tonight," Remus said, "Because you didn't want to be the only one." 

"I... I didn't know how to say it to James. I don't- I don't know _why_ I acted like that, Remus. I've never mind being openly myself, and I've never minded being the first to be something unorthodox. But with this- with this, I didn't know how to behave. And when it came up tonight, I got carried away. You know how impulsive I am. I'm an idiot." 

"You're not-" 

"I _am,_ Rem. I'm a bloody idiot. I shouldn't have done that to you." 

"No, you shouldn't have, but... I'm not mad." 

Sirius met his eyes, desperate. "Really?" 

Remus stared back and nodded. "Could've been more tactful, but I've known you long enough not to expect _that._ And... As long as you come out to James soon, we'll call it good." 

Relief washed through Sirius. "I don't deserve this, Remus, really, I don't-" 

"Sirius-" 

"I was terrible to you- I- thank you so much-" 

"Sirius, stop that." 

Sirius stared on in earnest. "Remus, I was awful- what I did was uncalled for and you didn't deserve it- my own stupid selfish idiocy-" 

"Stop!" 

"I'm- I'm so sorry- I hate that I-" 

He had to cut off because Remus grabbed his face and for a heartbeat they only stared at each other. Sirius' heart was in his throat, his words having completely escaped him, and then- 

Remus kissed him. 

It wasn't necessarily _good,_ because it was Remus' first and it was so impromptu Sirius didn't quite react, but it was Remus' lips on Sirius' and that was well enough for him. Something erupted in his chest, warmth spreading over the aches and healing hollow self-criticisms, and Remus' hands on his face and lips on his lips made everything right in the world for a blissful moment. 

Then the moment ended, and Remus' hand took Sirius', and Sirius leaned back on the wall next to Remus, sitting all too close. 

And it wasn't perfect, and there was so much left to resolve, but hand in hand with Remus in the Astronomy Tower and the taste of chocolate lingering on Sirius lips felt like heaven.


End file.
